Job Opp

Just applied to the first school social worker position I've seen posted... ever.  It happens to be in the town where I currently work.  Please, Lord, if it's in your will that I get this job, please open all doors necessary that I may obtain the position.  Amen. [praying]

Everything bad

In my line of work, I see the world's worst.  The world's worst wife beaters, sickos, child molestors, alcoholics, schizophrenics, drug dealers, you name, the world's worst.  They are coming to the facility where I work for help, sometimes against their will. 

 

I believe we are able to help many people in their struggles, but a vast majority will never be enabled to change their circumstances to make true life changes.  Maybe those folks are truly incapable of change because of chemical dependency and/or social circumstances or other issues. 

 

The problem I have with it all, is not the fact that many people will never change, it's that I generalize all the people in my life with this standard of sickness.  Frankly, I think everyone is capable or secretly has a problem like those I encounter at work.  When I say everyone, I mean everyone.  I find it very, very difficult to trust others outside of my husband.  I question all of my friends' healthiness, along with my family's stableness.  I find them all lacking.  It's really scary because it makes me feel so alone as a parent.  Who can I trust my babies with if not my friends and family? 

 

Maybe it's because a lot of people close to me personally have struggled with many of these issues and they've felt comfortable enough to share it with me because of my job skills.  I struggle daily with thinking everything bad has happened to people I know and they will in turn hurt me or my children, especially my children.  

 

That doesn't sound very healthy to me. 

 

[Who's got the issue here?]

the itch

For the last week or so, I guess since graduation actually, I've really been wanting another baby.

Increasing our family by one more little one is on our to-do list for 2011.  I've just felt so overwhelmed until now that I just couldn't even begin thinking about being pregnant again.  I knew I'd get there, that the pain of the c-section and agony of sleepless nights would blur, and I'd be ready.  Makes sense that it's now, after finishing up that degree and I've got a part-time job.

Our biggies are much more self-sufficient now.  Our three year old is completely potty trained and our 2 year old is well on the way.  (We still do diapers at night but hey, I'm okay with not doing that much more laundry.)  We don't need high chairs or a diaper bag for outings.  They eat most anything and can stand to wait a few hours if we're in a pinch for food.  They sleep so well (always have, really) and can do for themselves in most every capacity.

It's time.  :)

All we need now is a van!

Staying

Yesterday, I had a meeting with my advisor and field office director about my potential change in placement.  In a nut shell, I'm staying at the psychiatric hospital because I would be penalized 50 hours if I change. 

 

Why didn't someone mention this penalty in the beginning?  Why oh why?  I would have never requested a change.  Lord knows, I do not need MORE work to finish this degree.

 

May can't come quick enough.

Back to the Nut House

The change in internship is not going to happen.  I head back to the "nut house" on Wednesday or when the snow melts, which ever comes last.  We're under 7 inches of snow and for us, that's a lot. 

 

I'm okay with going back to the psych ward.  I'm comfortable there.  Sorta.  I know the ropes, know my supervisor, understand the expectations of my role, so that makes it not as stressful as thinking about moving to a new place.  But it's the psych ward... where people are suicidal, beside themselves with "internal stimuli", and generally in a bad place in life.  So that makes it potentially a stressful place for me. 

 

I pray for patience, wisdom, and guidance. 

My New Year's Resolutions

Maybe I should call these my 2011 goals for the year.  It'll be neat to look back in 2012 and see how far I've gotten.

 

- Finish grad school in May

- Grow this (or another very cleverly named) blog

- Obtain full-time employment 

- Potty-train both kiddos

- Get pregnant with baby numero tres

 

I think that's it. Let's go, 2011!

 

Potential Change in Internship

I continue to waver over whether or not I should change internships. 

The psych ward is a tough place to be.  For anyone.  Whether you be a therapist, a tech, a nurse, a doc, or a patient.  They use words like "milieu" and "internal stressors" to describe the environment and how people are being effected.  It's a world unto itself, locked behind doors, a spectacle to those that are priveledged to have a key.

I'm somewhat comfortable now in these strange surroundings.  I have a handle on the dos and don'ts.  I have a spot for my bag and a certain niche that only an unpaid intern can fill.  I have very little responsibility yet all the responsibility in the world when talking to a suicidal teen.  I have already learned so much and realize I have so much yet to learn.  I'm yet to find security in my skills and find myself daily challenged.  Heck, challenged by the minute.

Except that I've put in a request to be changed.  Changed to the "big house" to work with the hospital social worker on the medical floors.  I wager that the hospital social worker has no real idea what might go on behind the psych ward walls.  Or she does know and that's why I've never heard her or her role at the "big house" ever mentioned. 

My excuse is my kids, they need me to be present, not lost in a world of grotesque horrors known only to the youths that laze the halls of a psychiatric hospital. 

Restraint

I saw today my first restraint done on a patient.  When I first interviewed for this internship position, the clinical director told me to expect it.  She also said there are strict guidelines around how and when to restrain a patient.  It was a well planned-for, well thought-out, and well-documented procedure.

This particular patient needed lab work done.  It was critically important that his medication levels be checked for toxicity.  However this patient, a young adolescent with severe developmental issues, was scared of shots.  He was given a medication to sedate and relax him.  A sweet medical student soothed the patient verbally (since they'd already developed a positive rapport) while several techs and social workers grabbed appendages.  From the way he screamed and thrashed about, you would have thought he was having a limb amputated, when in actuality he was simply getting his finger pricked.